Never Lie to The Man

... even when the man is a woman.

From last time:

A female University of Cincinnati police officer strolled up to the window. I let out and incredibly audible sigh that was heard for what it was.

"What are you so relieved about?" the policewoman asked.

"I thought you were going to be a man," I stupidly said.

 

The policewoman asked, "Have you been drinking?"

I believed then, as I do now, that lying to law enforcement officials is a bad idea.

"Yes." I said.

"How many have you had?"

"Twelve"

"Where'd you drink them?"

"I-75."

"What'd you do with the empties?"

"We threw them out." (On the grassy area we'd cut across. I was surprised the officers hadn't seen that.)

"Will you please step out of the car."

And I did.

It was then that I noticed the second University of Cincinnati police person. He had been on a dirt bike.

The guy officer struck me then, and still does, like he was on a power trip. Maybe he was just a genuine ass. Maybe out-of-towners driving across UC lawnage just pissed him off. He was about 5'10, so as he'd be yelling in my face he was almost standing on my toes and he'd be looking up at me.

"Who was in the orange Datsun?" he demanded?

"I don't know anything about an orange Datsun." (As I said in yesterday's entry, the Datsun was Fawn Brown in color.)

"DON'T LIE TO ME!!"

(Hmmmm. I seem to have broken my own Don't Lie to Law Enforcement Officials rule. The Fawn Brown vs Orange argument is sort of weak. Maybe that should be amended to say, "Never Lie to Law Enforcement To Save Your Own Butt." Lying to protect your buddies is somehow noble.)

I was given a field sobriety test. Lean back, spread out the arms, close the eyes and touch the nose with the fingertips. I also walked a straight line, did a spin, and walked back. I did a very good job. In different circumstances I'm sure I would have been given a gold star or certificate of achievement.

Todd, one of the guys from the Fawn-Brown Datsun walked down to see what was going on. He acted like he was just walking by and stumbling across me was a great coincidence.

"Maurice, what's going on?"

As I started to explain Cranky Cop got in his face and asked, "Were you in the orange Datsun?"

"No. I don't know what you're talking about," he said innocently.

"DON'T LIE TO ME!"

 

Next Episode: The Cincinnati Police are called in.

 

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